My life is strange

wn1. I now say "Tiffany from the front desk" when I speak with people as though I live at the front desk or was born here.

2. I have seriously considered bringing Tupperware to work to take home leftover banquet food. I think if I planned ahead properly I could go for a month without grocery shopping.

3. I regularily see piles, braids and clumps of hair on the street in my neighborhood. I can't ever tell if it was forcibly removed from a head or if it fell out. Fortunately there seems to be a store next to the Safeway that frequently has human hair on sale. Bonus.

4. Someone called me Lance Armstrong when I was biking the other day. I was wearing all pink and a helmet that made me look like a kid with Down syndrome.

John Tracy for Governor

I'm just throwing it out there. Palin wins her bid for Veep, Parnell takes the House seat...

Colberg ain't got nothing on JT.

Jumping the Barracuda

Wow. What can I say? I moved 3,000 miles to get away from the wacky world that is Alaska and here it is back on my doorstep.

It seems I can't swing a dead cat in the office without catching a, "...and she sold the jet on eBay." or "I just can't vote for a woman who went back to work two days after giving birth to a child with Down syndrome." (It's refreshing to work somewhere where people admit to having political views before finishing two pitchers at Moose's Tooth.)

Nevertheless, it was an amazing "Hail Sarah" pass by the McCain campaign. In my incubator of jaded newsies and Alaska aficionados, the move has played as a last-ditch effort by a 72-year-old who can't raise his arms above his head to comb his own hair and doesn't use the Internet.

But it turns out from the public radio shows I listen to, the move may be working.

Still, I don't think Chelsea Clinton could have delivered a moment as fantastic as this:

Tough in the streets

This story caught my eye tonight as I was watching some Fox News asshat congratulate the cop who assaulted this participant in Critical Mass. For some reason the bicyclist was arrested. I don't really get it.

It another fine example of this nation's absurd attitude toward people who are not only doing them no harm but picking up their slack and cutting oil consumption so they can fuel their Hummers, boats and those little scooters they use to get around the grocery store so they never have to accidently burn calories.

Just yesterday I was nearly beaten up outside my office by some jerkoff who followed me after I stood up for myself when he cut me off. Apparently it takes a big man in a big truck with a tiny penis to get out of his car and threaten a 23-year-old girl on a bike. 

Fortunately the guy was a pussy and some construction workers outside the building seemed ready to jump to my aid. One of them told me as I was leaving that I didn't have anything to worry about and that the guy who followed me wasn't getting anywhere near me.

Glad to see someone can appreciate the plight of a bicycling badass.

Just another day on the job

I know I was the only one who just saw the sports guy take a picture of himself in front of a Channel 2 Sports logo with his cell phone. Wish I could get my hands on the pic.

The saddest little apartment

We've started selling our stuff on craigslist. It's been amazing to see how quickly our crap is selling. Still, it's left a sad, sad little apartment with a chair we stole off the lawn, an exercise ball and an air mattress left over from a visitor. Ish.

I guess it's great motivation to get out of the place and on with my life.

Breakin' up is hard to do

I think I've realized the real reason Andrew and I have been together for so long. It's not 'cuz we're so great together and all that junk. I just don't deal well with change and I don't like ending chapters in my life.


It was with that bent that I recently 'fessed up to my eminent departure from Alaska (from the Railbelt to the Beltway). I figured if I told my boss before I took off for a week-long vacation he probably wouldn't hate me so much when I got back. As it turns out, I was making the least dramatic departure around the office.

The collision of Tim and Jan's trip, John Tracy's departure and the reality of another move to another new place threw me into a bit of a tizzy. I'm pretty sure I understand why people get hooked on drugs to manage panic attacks.

Fortunately, Jan helped my put my head back on straight. That's what moms do, I guess, remind you that they love you, but that life will go on without you around. They're also pretty great for nit picking and nagging about crazy things like putting oil in a car.

So the clock is ticking. T-minus a month to eat pounds and pounds of halibut and winnow my life's belongings down to about 100 pounds for transport. Anybody need some new clothes? How about a vacuum? Half a bottle of 409?