An Open Letter to D.C.

Dear Washington D.C.,

I officially wish to recind and implicit or explicit contract I may have created with you entitling you to comment, gawk or freestyle rap about my posterior.

Frankly it is not only uncomfortable for me, it is downright offensive. While I cannot deny that I am, in fact, "thick," the proprietor of "dunk," and have a "fat ass," it is wholly unecssary for you to tell me this.

If you fail to cease your unsolicited commetary, please expect retribution. (e.g. You: Dannng gurwl, you got a phattt ass. Me: Yes, and I also have a home.)

Get a job, pull up your pants, and have some reverence for common decency and the English language.

Sincerely,

Tiff

P.S. Also, please stop throwing rocks at me.